you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
