no. you can't hotbox the world.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
