your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
