New invention idea: vibrating tampons
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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