Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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