does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
