If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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