i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
