I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
