I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
