I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
