Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it hurts more in the daytime
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
dude. I can hear the air.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
