smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
