batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want to be your penis for a week.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
