4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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