did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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