Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
