Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
