new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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