i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
