Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
