Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
