I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
