my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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