Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
