If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
