all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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i came on her dog
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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