We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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