Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
