He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
