Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
