I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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