Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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