I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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