i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My balls are so social today.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
