Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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