life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
