I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
