Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
