It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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