Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
