So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
