sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
