Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
