You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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