Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize