Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
