I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
