i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
