I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
