Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
