Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?