I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.