You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
turn off your phone and go to bed
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.