I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.