You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom