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Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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