I wish I could teleport
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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