i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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