Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
