oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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