sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
