meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
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So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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