the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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