Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
