I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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