is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
