I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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