Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize