I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
