you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
